Naruto Facts
by Cheapy Corp
Summary: Well, it's basically a bunch of facts i put 2gether on my perspective of naruto, contains my theory on orochimaru's er lifestyle [one shot]. T for some language


**Naruto Crappy Facts**

**Fact:** I don't own Naruto

**Fact:** Orochimaru goes after little boys

**Fact:** 1 of those boys was Itachi

**Fact:** another of those boys was Kabuto

**Fact:** another of those boys was Sasuke

**Fact:** Atatsuki goes through 11, 456 bottles of nail polish per week

**Fact:** Itachi uses 97 of the nail polish in Atatsuki

**Fact:** Atatsuki kicked Orochimaru out of there gang coz they were beginning 2 worry about Itachi's, er, safety

**Fact:** wat Atatsuki wear around the place is actually a black dress covered in pink luv hearts. Unfortunately Sasuke wanted 2 piss off his brother so grabbed a red marker and coloured in the Atatsuki dresses so that it looked like red hearts (Sasuke can't colour between the lines so the hearts ended up being cloud shaped things. Itachi was pissed)

**Fact:** After that incident people started taking Atatsuki seriously coz they weren't wearing pink hearts. Sasuke was pissed.

**Fact:** the director decided that yaoi pairings were needed so the infamous kiss between Naruto and Sasuke was scripted.

**Fact:** Naruto and Sasuke's fan girls were promptly set on the director's, heh, who, um, mysteriously disappeared from history, lets never speak of there unfortunate ending again (coughs deeply)

**Fact:** new directors who r exactly lik the last pop out of no wear and script the following yaoi characters in

- Haku

- Orochimaru

**Fact:** Itachi has poor eye sight

**Fact:** it's so bad Kisame has 2 dress hi,

**Fact:** Itachi hasn't cut his hair coz, well, he cant see it…

**Fact:** in Ino's free time she does Deidara's hair.

**Fact:** Neji is very proud of his hair

**Fact:** 2 do Neji's hair u must rinse, shampoo, lather, rinse, brush, comb, conditioner, let sit 4 1 hour, rinse, repeat process

**Fact:** Orochimaru likes to leave unremoveable luv bite marks on his 'special' friends necks

**Fact:** Orochimaru wants Sasuke's body…

**Fact:** Sasuke never understood properly wat Orochimaru meant by wanting his body, as Sasuke just figured Orochimaru was gonna transfer his soul in2 Sasuke's body, kicking Sasuke's soul out in the process, how wrong he was…

**Fact:** Tsunade thinks Sakura needs therapy seeing as Sakura seems 2 talk 2 herself a lot. Another thing that brought Tsunade 2 this conclusion is the fact that Sakura's face always screws up or blush's for no reason, like she's mentally arguing with her self

**Fact:** Tsunade is really a Dementor from the Harry Potter Universe as she possesses the 'Kiss of Death'. Becoz of her 'Kiss of Death' sum people think she is associated with the Kohana Mafia

**Fact:** Asuma smokes 96 10 pack cigarette packets a day

**Fact:** Gai is on steroids

**Fact:** Gai is on crack

**Fact:** Gai took many more drugs but I can't be bothered typing the all out

**Fact:** Gai did drugs coz Kakashi told him it was youthful

**Fact:** Gai is naïve

**Fact:** Lee wanted 2 be like his sensei and stole a pack of Asuma's cigarette's and took up smoking

**Fact:** Asuma had a panic attack screaming repeatedly **"MY PECIOUS's WERE HAVE U GONE!!!" **wen he could find his 49th pack and began going hulk in the middle of the restaurant during his lunch brake (coughdatecough) with Kurenai. Kurenai was all like wtf?

**Fact:** after an hour of smashing things Asuma de-hulk-a-fied, curled up in a ball and rocked back and forth in a corner shivering and looking paranoid

**Fact:** Kurenai bought Asuma a new pack of cigarette's and gave them 2 his paranoid form rocking back and forth in a corner. He snatched them out of her hand hissed, put them all in his mouth all at once, lit them and was all like "aww yer…" Kurenai backed away slowly plus at the same time got him sum odd looks from the Rookie 9 and other sensei's who were actually in the restaurant the whole time not bothering 2 do any thing coz it was just, (as Shikamaru would put it – 'to troublesome)

**Fact:** At this point Neji, Ten Ten and Lee walked in2 the restaurant with a wtf-happened-here look on there faces

**Fact:** Ten Ten noticed Lee was smoking, and was all like "LEE U BAKA QUITE SMOKING IN THE FRIIGIN RESTURANT U –"

**Fact:** Asuma went in2 another blind rage upon realizing Lee was the 1 who stole his precious's…and tackled Lee 2 the ground screaming a high pitched battle cry (whilst beating the crap out of Lee) on his mission: **P.I.M.P! P**omfg **I**hateuassholeforstealing **M**y **P**ecious!

**Fact:** Asuma was never good at sentence making, space bars or good mission names

**Fact:** every one was staring at Asuma like O.O. Every 1 except Neji who was all smiling as he had already guessed that this would be Lee's fate

**Fact:** Lee in his mind screamed for Gai Sensei's help

**Fact:** Gai was playing with his oh so manly Barbie Doll while screaming "YOUTH!" wen his shiny, shiny hair started glowing. Gai noticed this and said in a youthful way "My youth senses r tingly…gasp Lee is in trouble!"

**Fact:** Fact Gai quick as a wink changed in2 his Youth Man ® costume as a sun set appeared be hind him and he struck a pose as his cape blew in the wind

**Fact:** wen Gai/Youth Man ® entered the restaurant every1 was all like **O**.**O**

**Fact:** Sakura crooked her head 2 the side and asked "Is it an asparagus?"

Sasuke squinted his eyes "No I think it's a mental patient?"

Then Lee was all like "Nom IT'S YOUTH MAN ®!!"

**Fact:** Gai saved Lee

**Fact:** Asuma was shot with a mammoth tranquillizer (seeing as normal drugs (cigarette's) had no effect on him…yet)

**Fact:** Asuma slept like a baby

**Fact:** Lee asked Youth Man ® for his real identity

Fact: every 1 sweat dropped

**Fact:** Youth Man ® posed in front of a sun set, then youthfully jumped out the window

**Fact:** 2 seconds later Gai jumped through the window Youth Man ® had just jumped through on his youthful exit

**Fact:** Every 1 but Lee sweat dropped

**Fact:** Naruto characters have a lot of sweat

**Fact:** upon seeing Gai, a sun set appeared behind both Lee and Gai as Lee and Gai ran in slow motion 2 wards each other…

Lee yelled "GAI-SENSEI!"

Which was responded to with a "LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

**Fact:** they hugged as the sun set

**Fact:** I'm almost 2 the point of throwing up here so moving on….

**Fact:** Kankuro plays with dolls

**Fact:** Gaara 'luvs' himself…

**Fact:** Gaara lives in the desert but has no tan. Wtf?

**Fact:** Gaara's uncle looks like a girl

**Fact:** I thought Gaara's uncle was a girl

**Fact:** Lee stole Gaara's eye brows

**Fact:** U may think that he is Gaara of the Desert, but really he's Gaara of the Dessert (with a cherry on top)

**Fact:** Baki wears a lion cloth on his face

**Fact:** Kabuto doesn't seem to mind his masters intensions…

**Fact:** I'm 2 lazy 2 write any more

**Fact:** u've probably already stopped reading


End file.
